How To Hold The Headlines While Holding Space

As we move through this moment in history, where the normalization of violence and death in our news cycle desensitizes us to suffering, The Dinner Party would like to offer this resource to our community for those who may be navigating hard conversations about the collective suffering we are witnessing. The tips below are suggestions from our staff, fellow grievers, who are committed to holding space for the hard things, like you.

Consider trying on two tips or prompts that resonate with you and challenging yourself to one that feels just a little out of your element. We can practice living with the discomfort, identifying our most important boundaries, and might even be surprised to find a new tool for our toolbox.

Set the Tone and Expectations

If you know you’re planning to invite a Table conversation around a tense topic, consider sending a note ahead of time. Acknowledge how collective grief can impact each of us differently in our personal lives, and give people a heads-up so they can prepare their own favorite tools to stay grounded (you can even share this guide). Start your time together by revisiting community guidelines and reaffirming the important, meaningful relationships you’ve built together.

Take a Pause

When you first connect, whether that’s on a video call, phone call, or in person, try opening with: “Can we take a moment to sit quietly with the heaviness of our world today?” Let each other be silent. It might be uncomfortable, but don’t be afraid to take your time! After a few moments, transition: “Okay, let’s talk about our people.”

Name It

Don’t be afraid to say, “I am not an expert at facilitating conversations like this, but I would like for us to be able to share how the news is impacting our grief.” Don’t be afraid to acknowledge that the conversation itself might be uncomfortable or painful and even ask, “What’s the most intimidating part of having this conversation together?”

💡Tip: Sometimes silence is the right choice, and sometimes we absolutely need to talk about the hard thing. Listen for what you (and your Table, Buddy, or whomever) need and have the capacity for in that moment.

Crowdsource

Ask the people at your Table, your Buddy, or even yourself, “What’s getting you through each week with all that’s going on in the world?”

Gently Redirecting

If someone at your Table is dominating the conversation, or if you’re seeing some wincing around the Table, it’s okay to interrupt and say, “I’d like to pause you right there and hear how this is landing for the rest of us.” If you’re concerned about harm that occurs at your Table, reach out to us at community@thedinnerparty.org.

Get Metaphorical

Oftentimes, the question “How are you?” is just so difficult to answer. When we’re feeling big feelings, it can be helpful to use metaphor as a tool. Maybe it’s easier to say “I’m a thunderstorm today” than it is to admit that you’re feeling really angry. A metaphor can allow people to explore and express how they feel without so much pressure. Check out the next page for some of these prompts to consider. You might discuss openly together, or take shared silence to journal or doodle.

Turn to the Body

Sometimes, direct conversation can be an intimidating entry point—or it can be an easy place to hide in our heads and avoid the reality of how we’re feeling. Try getting outside of words and look up a guided somatic practice (breathing, qigong, meditation, etc.) to do together. Pull out some art supplies, or have your conversation while cooking dinner together. Consider activities such as tearing up pieces of paper, aggressively doodling, or even muting yourselves while you all scream into a pillow for a moment. Honor the stifled energy that wants to move out of the body.

We want to hear from you in moments of levity and in moments of gravity. If you would like to share, we’d love to hear from you. If you’re navigating a difficult conversation at your table or feel someone has experienced harm and would like more support, we’d love to come alongside you—reach out to community@thedinnerparty.org and we’d be happy to schedule a call, no need to write out the full context of your situation. Our staff are here for you.